Seven Sentences for Sunday: The Jesus Stops Eating Edition
Posted: February 22, 2012 Filed under: Seven Sentences for Sunday Leave a comment »- Sam and I have been dating for almost a whole tube of toothpaste.
- We sang “How Great is Our God” in church on Sunday. With the power that comes from all of us singing that chorus, I almost think we make the heavenly court smile.
- Hurricanes were invented as a way to get rid of the surplus rum that the whiskey makers made the bar owners buy for every case of whiskey they ordered. Gotta love Wikipedia when searching for the best Hurricane recipe for Mardi Gras.
- Big props to the Walgreens worker who tried to upsell me yesterday. She asked if I wanted to add some gum to my order. When I responded no, she looked at my box of tampons and said, “How about some chocolate.”
- “Affirming the seeds of doubt gives them the keys to my heaven…”–what I took away from my hourlong meditation this afternoon.
- I have a massage at 9 a.m. that my wife-in-law (Will’s wife) gave me for Christmas. Hooray for good relations.
- I long to write a poem. I am no longer affirming the seeds of doubt and will sit down to ruminate on one by Saturday.
I love you all, some more than others.
Seven Sentences for Sunday: The Blow Out Your Candles Mister Presidents Edition
Posted: February 20, 2012 Filed under: Seven Sentences for Sunday Leave a comment »- I’m not sure what sort of crack-laced carcinogenic substance they put in Nerds to give them such a powerful flavor burst in one little neon-colored nugget, but man those things pack a punch.
- Rhett and I had a date night tonight and went to see The Phantom Menace. I’d forgotten how frustratingly annoying Jar-Jar Binks is. And Rhett now wants to be Darth Maul.
- I found this written on a scrap piece of paper of mine and was reminded of how true it is after a breakup: “One day you wake up and realize that it’s not his side of the bed anymore. The whole bed belongs to you until another lover leaves his imprint.”
- Sam told his kids that we are dating and I have broached the subject with mine. All responses were positive, but it adds a new level of seriousness to our relationship. I hope I don’t fuck this up.
- I am going to try chicken and waffles this year. Another induction into Cincinnati culture.
- I’m hoping that my giving up sugar for Lent will help kickstart the weight loss I so desperately need. I’m glad I am loved no matter what, but I would like to love myself and my health just a bit more.
- With age comes discretion and more wisdom about what topics I choose to write on. Having older kids in my social sphere now means I must think twice about what to post. Discretion without censorship–I will try to walk the line of staying true to myself without risking my relationships.
I love you all, some more than others.
Seven Sentences for Sunday: The Four-in-One Edition
Posted: February 17, 2012 Filed under: Seven Sentences for Sunday Leave a comment »- I wish “shart” was an acceptable Words with Friends word.
- D to P: “How’d you get to be so cute?” P, shrugging: “God just made me that way. And he made you that way too.” Awww.
- “I wanted to cut in front of Philip in the lunch line but he said no. So I just gave him my Puss-in-Boots eyes and he let me go ahead of him.”–Jolie, learning to use her womanly wiles already.
- If Paisley makes it to 18 without ink it will be a miracle. Every time I leave a pen out that child tats herself.
- There are few greater joys than listening to PJ sing along with Top 40 radio.
- Mmmm…churros and tacos. Jack in the Box is coming to the tri-state.
- “If there was a game and you had to pick your favorite hero, I would totally pick Darth Vader”–Rhett
- As gross as it is, it is insanely hilarious to be dutch-ovened by a three year old.
- Since reentering the dating world, I have become acutely aware of when my period starts. This twice a month thing had better be a fluke or a one-time-only cruel joke.
- Honeybells right out of the fridge are served for the after-angel-school snack in heaven. I’m certain of it.
- I just killed three of those suckers. Yes, three.
- I put my elliptical to good use today. For 15 excruciating minutes. Exercising for the first time in 18 months means I’m going to have to start slow. Much slower than I anticipated.
- I heart Phillip Phillips. And when I professed my love, Jolie asked me, “Yes, Mom. But do you love him more than Michael Kelso?”
- My new iSkin, with its funky shades of purple polka dots, just makes me smile.
- The blue cheese encrusted filet mignon that I made for Valentine’s dinner further underscores the fact that I could never be a vegetarian.
- I’m taking the kids to see The Ant and The Grasshopper theater production on Saturday. I love introducing them to culture. The moral message is just bonus.
- I locked the kids in their room today until it was cleaned. Forced captivity or just a pms-ing mom at her wits end, it was done in less than eight minutes and they stood proudly showing it off when I opened the door to let them out.
- I have taken to locking my own door at night so I can monitor when the kids get out of their beds to try and get into mine. I answered the call last night at 2:30, 4:15, and 6:30. I sent them back to their own beds for all but the 6:30. Compromise.
- I am immensely sorry for any stalking I did in my past life. Being hung up on a guy is one thing. Being completely obsessed is another. Karma is biting me in the ass with Sam’s ex, and I’m not liking it one bit.
- Jolie had to use the word “absolutely” in a sentence on her schoolwork. The result: “I like so absolutely saved the day.”
- I love when my authors don’t know how to address me and call me Dr. Just.
- *Almost* every night that one of us has our kids Sam and I facetime across town to catch up on our day and say goodnight. Remember back in the eighties when we dreamed of video phones? We’ve got it, baby.
- I think I have all of my paperwork in so I can do my taxes. The hopeful payout at the end is actually motivating me to do them before April.
- It’s time for me to write another story or essay. I’m laying the gauntlet and saying I’ll put one out next week. Maybe I’ll add a poem to the challenge as well. Might as well aim high.
- I feel good that I’m learning more about my faith in my small group at church. I just wish I could say I believe in God without still feeling a little embarrassed.
- I still have a bowl of split-pea soup frozen in my freezer that Sam made me on our first date. Tomorrow would be a good day to break that out.
- I had to turn down a ghostwriting job because I can’t break out of this uncreative rut I’m in. I can’t even express how humbling and disappointing that is. Every writer’s worst fear–that the gift has dried up and blown away in the wind to be scattered among the trees–nags at my soul. Still I press on. Out of stubbornness, out of ignorance, out of the tiniest hope that perhaps my muse will reappear and my heart will once again thump with words for those who have none.
- Four days in one. Daily deadlines be damned, I’ll get my sentences done eventually. Even if I have to barf them up twenty-eight at a time.
I love you all, some more than others.
Seven Sentences for Sunday: The Sunday Actually Edition
Posted: February 12, 2012 Filed under: Seven Sentences for Sunday Leave a comment »- Trying to talk at a concert is like battling autocorrect while drunk texting. “Those are some nice groots.” “Groots? WTF are groots?” …searching for possible replacement words… “BOOTS! Yeah…they are.”
- I bow down to the all-holy hamburger truck that parked itself outside of Japp’s Annex this weekend. Four vodka cranberries in and that cowboy burger was yeehawing my name, to which I hooted and hollered right back.
- When whispering sweet nothings and getting romantic, Sam’s voice drops an octave and becomes alluringly deep. I told him how sexy this phenomenon is, and he proceeded to talk like Isaac Hayes the rest of the day.
- “I’m hungry. And you are my chicken and waffles.”–Sam, practicing his Isaac Hayes voice and cracking us both up.
- I love when my Spotify friend pays a visit and drops something in my inbox. That little red dot just makes me smile, and I wonder what little musical gem has been delivered.
- I did not win the $350 million Powerball, which means my next windfall will come in a meager little lump sum from my tax return. Better odds at least.
- All children are starting in their own beds this week. At some point I will have to lock my door so I can redirect them back to their own bed when they try to find their way into mine in the middle of the night. This means interrupted sleep for me, so my drive to do this is not extraordinarily high. But they are old enough to be sleeping in their own beds the entire night–no matter how huge and empty my king size bed feels when it’s just me owning it.
I love you all, some more than others.
Seven Sentences for Sunday: The Corporate Shindig Edition
Posted: February 11, 2012 Filed under: Seven Sentences for Sunday Leave a comment »- Why is the winky emoticon always winking with his right eye? What about the poor left eye winkers of the world?
- “For $14.95 those underwear better give me a handjob going up the stairs.”–Sam, in response to the David Beckham Superbowl commercial for his H&M underwear.
- Do you always close the door to the bathroom when you’re home alone? I don’t unless I’m going number two…because modesty has its place.
- I went to a happy hour with Sam’s work friends tonight. It’s been a while since I’ve done the corporate thing and let’s just say…I killed it.
- I got compared to Carrie Fisher tonight–of the golden bikini era. Made. My. Night.
- What is it with boys and zombies? There must be a blood oath that they swear upon entering puberty that commits them to do their faithful duty should a zombie apocalypse occur. Even Rhett has this fixation, and he’s eight years away from pubic hair.
- I don’t know what everyone is scared about–Over-the-Rhine kicks ass. Even if they did name an alley after some dude who got shot there.
I love you all, some more than others.
Seven Sentences for Sunday: The Mid-Day Break Edition
Posted: February 9, 2012 Filed under: Seven Sentences for Sunday 1 Comment »- Could someone tell me why the folded up potato chips taste so much better than the normal, flat ones?
- The girls didn’t get to meet any of the princesses, which makes me sad for them. But it also means we might have to squeak in a trip to Disneyland this summer when we go to LA. I might have to sell a kidney to do it though.
- My ex is a husband again. Kudos to him and best wishes for a long and happy marriage. Truly.
- I’m thinking of making them some chocolate-dipped strawberries as a wedding gift because I’m too broke to buy them something for their new home.
- My apartment makes weird noises. The one I notice most recently sounds like a clapboard. Which has the bizarre effect of making me feel like I’m in my own reality show. Entertaining and annoying all at the same time. Now cut.
- I’ve been wearing these same two silly bands for almost a year now. I’m not sure what I’m going to do when they break–I’ll feel so naked.
- This exercise has not done much for my creativity, but it has made me more reflective. Which is something, I suppose. Perhaps I should add an about page and try and make this a real blog…but then again, that requires some creativity. Curses.
I love you all, some more than others.
Seven Sentences for Sunday: The 50th Post Edition
Posted: February 9, 2012 Filed under: Seven Sentences for Sunday 2 Comments »- I had my church small group tonight and shared my whole story for the first time with someone outside of my family. It was refreshing and liberating and comforting to be in such an intimate group. I look forward to growing with them over the course of the next eight weeks.
- Four nights. Kid free. Sam time. Blues Fest. Wine tasting. Happy girl.
- I’m going to a Little Red Dress party tomorrow night to benefit the American Heart Association. Which means my red stilettos that have not seen the light of day since 2003 will be making a guest appearance to match my red mini-dress. With my Ralph Lauren wool coat to keep me warm, I’ll be a classy slut.
- There is nothing quite like the feeling of being butt-naked under a down comforter on a cold winter night.
- I love Sam’s dogs. Until one of them escapes on my while taking a piss and bolts up the street in the dark. Then I will curse his mother.
- Some of you will find this funny, but I really want to go camping this summer. For realz. Without my computer.
- This is my 50th post on the new blog, and I’m proud of myself for pulling out these seven sentences when the only thing I wanted to do when I opened up my laptop was to shut it again, roll over, and go to sleep.
I love you all, some more than others.
Seven Sentences for Sunday: The Bitter Betty Edition
Posted: February 7, 2012 Filed under: Seven Sentences for Sunday Leave a comment »- I want to wear Ashton Kutcher’s pajama bottoms. That is all.
- With the exception of Katherine Heigl and Jon Bon Jovi, every person in New Year’s Eve was mismatched as a couple. I expected more from Garry Marshall.
- I found a new treasure with $1.75 Tuesday night movies. The kids and I officially have a date next Tuesday night to see Alvin and the Chipmunks.
- I hate playing Sam in Words with Friends. He gets 47 points on words like Goo.
- I might be kicked out of my meetup group because I’m dating the organizer’s ex-boyfriend. Mean girls suck sweaty rhinoceros balls. Big ones.
- I dreamt of a yellow balloon during my afternoon nap today. I wish I had a dream interpreter on retainer.
- I remember not that long ago begging for rational thought to come in and give the boot to all the excessive intuitive thought I had going on. I think I swung too far in the opposite direction, as my signs and signals that make living in this universe fun have all but disappeared. I miss the pangs and gasps from unexpected serendipity, even from something as simple as the perfect song on the radio at the perfect moment.
I love you all, some more than others.
Seven Sentences for Sunday: The Weekday Edition
Posted: February 7, 2012 Filed under: Seven Sentences for Sunday Leave a comment »- My creativity feels like it has been a furnace that has been turned off because winter hasn’t been cold enough to get it going. Now it feels like the pilot light has completely gone out. In an effort to ignite some heat, I’m doing Seven Sentences a Weekday in February.
- I am honored to be a part of such a prestigious journal, but I do wish I knew what my authors were talking about. These genetics papers make me miss my astrophysics and particle physics of Physical Review D.
- I woke up this morning having dreamt that I caught Sam kissing his ex-girlfriend as if we weren’t together. Talk about a crap-a-doodle start to the day, even if he was there to reassure me otherwise. Dream interpreters care to take a stab?
- I am leading my small group at church on Wednesday night and I am supposed to share my story, using three key figures and three key events as a guideline. I am wondering what parts of my story I wish to share with this intimate group.
- Tomorrow night I am taking myself on a date to see New Year’s Eve with my other boyfriend, Ashton Kutcher. That beard and that long hair make me want to jump his bones…or at least give him a long, strong hug, slipping my hands under his sweater to cop a feel.
- I bought an elliptical machine off of craigslist for $40. Sam hauled it up three flights of stairs and put it together for me, so now I am guilted into using it so his efforts were not wasted. That and I am still determined to beat him at our weight loss contest, even if I did have a chili dog for dinner.
- The kids are at Disney World this week and I am only slightly jealous that the girls get to meet the princesses without me. I’m glad they get to experience it, but I do wish I could see their faces light up when Ariel makes an appearance.
I love you all, some more than others.
Seven Sentences for Sunday: The XLVI Edition
Posted: February 6, 2012 Filed under: Seven Sentences for Sunday 2 Comments »- The Giants won. Which means last year’s tactic of cheering for the quarterback whom I’d rather sleep with resulted in me siding with the losers this year.
- I loved the Betty White The Voice commercial. That and the dog bribing the dude with Doritos, which was done by a Cincinnatian. Hometown pride. Oh. And the Chevy post-apocalyptic one with the nod to Zombieland with the Twinkies. Pop culture brilliance.
- Super Bowl parties are fun. The food is great. The company is great. The host is great. If only it wasn’t on a Sunday.
- No more football for eight months. The season always seems too short to me.
- Madonna: I wouldn’t go gay for her, but damn those thighs. I couldn’t take my eyes off of what should be illegal on a fifty year old.
- Post-party shenanigans include snuggling up in bed–he on his iPad, me on my MacBook Pro, reading the Oatmeal together. I can take 21 Justin Biebers in a fight.
- For the record, we rock at making Super Bowl snacks. Port wine and blue cheese dip with crostini and chocolate caramel triangles. Both from his extensive cookbook collection–which he actually uses. *sigh*.
I love you all, some more than others.
