Kids' Witticisms

Seven Sentences for Sunday: The Battle of Wits Edition

  1. I think I’m going to start asking my children to respond with “as you wish” to my requests. And if they don’t I’ll remind them “I’m no one to be trifled with…” Yes, I introduced them to The Princess Bride this weekend.
  2. I’d forgotten how many great lines are in The Princess Bride…perhaps my favorite line of all time is when Westley says, “Death cannot stop true love…all it can do is delay it for a while,” something I firmly believe.
  3. “Oh no! She didn’t stop, drop, and roll.”—Ez, upon watching Princess Buttercup’s skirt catch on fire in the Fire Swamp.
  4. With Christmas coming up, my schedule feels like Prince Humperdinck’s of late. “I’ve got my country’s 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it. I’m swamped.”
  5. “Wuv. Twue wuv…will follow you forever.”—the Impressive Clergyman has only an inkling of the truth as I have traveled the galaxies through time with mine.
  6. “Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses that have been rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind.”—quite possibly the best ending line of a book.
  7. “I didn’t like all the sword fighting…”—Ez; “It was really good,”—R; “Not at all what I expected. I can’t believe Westley was alive the whole time!”—J

I love you all, some more than others.

Magic

Mom…what if I had magic when I was a baby and I could turn into any age I wanted. So right when I came out of your belly I decided to be 16. Then I’d be like, ‘Get me out of this criiiiiibbb!”

–J, who still might be saying that when she’s 16.

Preschooler Diplomacy

In the War of Words, J’s two year advantage and encyclopedic vocabulary always trump R. Today, however, Rhett won a round in the Battle of Insults based on the best rule for arguments: He who laughs first, wins.
J: Know what? I’m gonna call you a stinker.
R: Well, I gonna call you a butt.
J: Fine. I’m gonna call you a pooper scooper.
R (starting to crack a smile): A pooper scooper???
J (glaring and sounding out the syllables): Yes. A Poo-per. Scoo-per.
R (trying to suppress her giggles): Pooper Scooper. Hahahaha. Fine. I call you a. a. a…. A HOUSE!
J (mouth hung open in bewilderment): A house?
At this point R dissolved into uncontrollable laughter leaving J no choice but to join in.
Absurdity thy name is preschooler. Congressional diplomacy, meet absurdity. Perhaps you two should talk?