This morning I had a meeting with a well-known publisher of one of Cincinnati’s preeminent magazines. I had done due diligence and picked up the magazine to browse through before my meeting to try and familiarize myself with exactly what I was getting myself into…after all, I was applying for a position that is normally reserved for underpaid twenty-somethings and here I am a thirty-something with specific needs to keep my family afloat. But it was an in into an industry where I want to grow and thrive, so I donned my suit instead of my normal work attire of jeans and a tee and prepared to put forth the best representation of myself.

Nerves aside, it was a great meeting. We chatted about everything from the magazine to faith to what stirs my soul. This was more than a work meeting; this was a probing of my inner workings to see if I would be a good fit with his very tight-knit company. At the end of our meeting, he mentioned that he’d hire me on the spot if he had an opening at the moment, but he wanted to keep me in mind as his company grows. Bittersweet. I have the passion to dive in right now—to get my hands dirty as I learn the business—to do something other than read physics articles every day. I want to make a difference in a company that offers growth opportunity instead of being stuck in a dark tunnel that offers only a new set of articles for a bunch of freelancers to fight over every day. I want to shine.

Though now is not the right time for that particular company, I know that there is a spot for me out there somewhere. Some place where I can contribute not only my skills, but my personality. I’d like a family of co-workers that I can rely on and who can rely on me. Perhaps that’s the ideal, but it’s something that moves me to perform my best work.

One question that he asked, thought I forget how he phrased it, was essentially what moves me—what do I feel stirs me. And though I know he would have been receptive based on the other topics we covered, I couldn’t answer honestly that love is what moves me. All different types of love. Sisterly love, motherly love, friendly love, love that has failed, love that has ignited… It brought back an idea that I had for a book several years ago that involved a collection of essays about the many types of love that exist in this world. I have scraps of paper lying around with notes jotted on them that I should perhaps dig out and explore again, if only to remind myself of the positive emotion that unites us all. That’s something I think the world could use right now. I know I could.

In the meantime I continue to blog. To learn to code. To read physics. And to learn more about myself. After all, as Mr. Publisher said this morning, “If you’re not learning, you’re dying.”

I love you all, some more than others.