For the past few weeks I have been pondering what my first post of 2026 would be about. I have been in the throes of perimenopausal rage, the brunt of which my family has taken. At the suggestion of friends, I have sought out HRT to help with the rage, and at the suggestion of my sister, who has been my sounding board for the past 44 years, I have sought out a therapist. In a reflection on the state of our healthcare system, this is the first time in the 17 years since my divorce that I am able to afford therapy. Yep, that’s right, 17 years of suppressed trauma, stuffed down to keep the peace and the facade of a healthy coparenting relationship, paired with wild hormone surges, and I am a train wreck. 

How has it been 17 years, you may ask? Well, since my ex dropped me from his health insurance the millisecond the divorce was final, I was without health coverage. My stress and trauma induced mental breakdown followed very quickly and suddenly I had a preexisting condition and didn’t qualify for care. This was five years before the ACA, so in order to stabilize my brain chemistry I went $50k in debt just to survive. I am just now nearly finished climbing out of that hole. I was briefly paired with a welfare/medicaid therapist by my social worker in the first few months after my breakdown, but we didn’t touch on the trauma and gaslighting that X and his new wife inflicted on me during the divorce and after my breakdown. Instead we focused on my mental health and how I dealt with my new diagnosis. So I stuffed it down even further and put a smile on my face in what I thought was the best thing for my kids. Turns out it wasn’t.

Once I was able to get covered due to the ACA rule on nondiscrimination based on preexisting conditions (bitch all you want, Obama saved my life), I could never afford the mental health component. I already pay out of pocket for my psychiatrist and medications, I had bare minimum coverage in case of emergencies, therapy just wasn’t in the cards. Finally this year, I am with a plan that covers mental health. So I’m finally ready to unpack.

I have made my health a priority over the past couple of years (I’m down 60 pounds!), but have never prioritized my mental health, thinking I was just fine as long as my bipolar was under control. It turns out I was inflicting harm on those around me by not processing my anger and betrayal by X and his new wife. In 2010 in a long blog post I laid bare all of my own mistakes and transgressions, thus taking down myself along with an entire community. I took the blame for the divorce and buried my anger deep down, praying that I could raise my kids with the illusion of a happy, healthy, coparenting family who “just couldn’t make things work out.” Well, it turns out the healthiest thing I could’ve done was find a way to process that pain. Though it wasn’t possible at the time, I  am looking forward to processing everything in private with my therapist, and hopefully eventually healing the relationships that I have harmed through my own neglect of my psyche. 

So while I continue on my path toward physical wellness, I have added mental wellness, something that wasn’t on my bingo card for 2026 but is now center star. I hope to work through my anger and get some hormone relief as well as some closure on my past. That way I can move forward into the next chapter with The Mayor with a fresh head and healthy boundaries and a sense of trust that has been missing from my relationships for the past 17 years. The Mayor has a way of making me feel like I’m actually worth the effort, something I have never felt in any relationship before. So here’s to wellness and healthy living. May 2026 be a year of change and personal growth.

I love you all, some more than others. 💜🌻

PS These hot flashes are no joke. I had to stop by the freezer section three times just to cool down while shopping at Meijer with The Mayor this morning!