Moments with The Mayor

The late morning August sun shines through the windshield so bright even the visor and their sunglasses do little to help the glare. He accelerates on the on-ramp of the highway, and he speaks clearly and directly, “Siri, directions to Jeffrey’s Antique Gallery in Findlay, Ohio…”

Actual picture taken by the author.

“Okay. Here are directions to Jeff’s Flooring Warehouse in Scottsdale, Arizona.”

They look at each other and start cracking up and he says, “Jesus fucking Christ, Siri, it’s way too early to be drinking.”

“I’ll type it in,” she offers from the passenger seat as he merges across the highway into the left lane to pass one of the many truckers on the road. She pulls up the directions and they appear on the Apple Carplay screen in the dash. He reaches cruising speed and sets the cruise control at 72. 

She has taken the day off work and he is taking her out of town to get a change of scenery from her home office that she has been confined to for the past two weeks. It is a blessing and a curse working from home. While she has the flexibility to take off when she needs to, being a contract worker means no vacation days—if she doesn’t work she doesn’t get paid. So she puts in long hours, often logging time on the evenings and weekends. This is her first full day off in over a fortnight.

They talk about what he plans to make for dinner and how they really need to start on painting the cabinets in the kitchen if they are going to sell in the spring. Since his job ended two years ago he has become a full-time homemaker—a domestic engineer, as she liked to put it—and if they could grant degrees he would certainly have a Ph.D. He has become so adept in the kitchen that she looks forward to what’s for dinner from the moment she wakes up in the morning. He used to turn to Food Network for inspiration, but lately he has been thinking of old recipes and how to jazz them up in his own way. Tonight he is taking a favorite recipe for a local restaurant’s shepherd’s pie and adding edamame and sundried tomatoes to the lamb and traditional veggies. She knows it will be killer—he rarely disappoints.

She catches him drumming along with his thumbs to Hall and Oates and smiles, singing along as she looks at the familiar scenery along 75. He is handsome, not in your typical Chris Hemsworth way, then again who is, but in an inviting and comforting way. More than his outward appearance, he has a gentle, caring nature that makes her heart gallop. He always knows how to take care of her, when to refill her water cup, when she needs physical touch, when she needs to be left alone, and when she needs to just let go and laugh. He is her rock and she could not be more grateful.

“So, what are your thoughts on just staying partners versus getting married?” she suddenly says, surprising herself with her abruptness as they pass Troy. “Are we gonna be like Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn and just never tie the knot? Or do you feel a strong desire to make it official?” She had always assumed they were on the same page, but they never discussed it in their hopes and dreams for their future together. She herself waffled back and forth between the romanticism of getting married, but she was also practical and knew there were financial consequences to taking the plunge. She loved looking at wedding dresses and engagement rings, but the idea of getting married again terrified her. 

He takes a beat and replies, “I mean, I feel like we already are life partners like Kurt and Goldie. A marriage certificate won’t change how I feel about you. If it makes sense for us to get married, then I’m game, but otherwise I say why mess with a good thing? If we decide we want to in the future, it’ll be on a whim by Elvis in Vegas or something like that,” and he laughs, casting a sideways glance at her to gauge her reaction.

She is relieved by his response and tells him that. They have eleven years under their belt, she can’t imagine herself with anyone else and a ring didn’t mean as much as his steadfast strength and compassionate shoulder as he stood by her during one of her darkest hours last winter. He would always take care of her, and in turn, she would always provide for him. She had come to realize how deep her love for him really was, and she felt his devotion and affection on a daily basis. 

Siri’s voice suddenly pipes up and notifies them of their exit in 10 miles. The trip has flown by, their easy conversations punctuating the comfortable silence as the western Ohio scenery passes by. They have some backroads after they exit and she looks out at the houses and churches in the little town by the antique mall. In a clearing, she sees a small graveyard and two solitary headstones right next to each other. The engravings are faded, but one of them has words that form the shape of a smile and it is tilted to the right, barely touching the headstone next to it. It is as if it is pressing its forehead to the marker next to it and even in the afterlife the two can’t be separated. She immediately gets the warm fuzzies and points it out to him.

“Look, it’s you and me! You must’ve said something in the afterlife that made me smile and want to always be near you…” Can you pull over? I want to take a picture. Such detours were not uncommon. They did a u-turn for a cheese castle during a recent trip to Wisconsin, he could take a break for a snapshot of something she found inspiring.

She gets the picture she wanted, is pleased with herself, and is already mulling the story she will write about it one day when she has more free time. They pull up to the antique mall, take a sip from their water bottles, and head in. He opens the door for her, following behind her, then takes her hand as they walk the aisles. She leans her head on his shoulder for a brief moment. Thinking back to the gravestones, she is thankful that she has a lifetime of tender moments and fun adventures to look forward to with him. But for right now, she is happy he is by her side exploring this tiny part of the universe, keeping her grounded and her heart full. 

Center Star of the Bingo Card

For the past few weeks I have been pondering what my first post of 2026 would be about. I have been in the throes of perimenopausal rage, the brunt of which my family has taken. At the suggestion of friends, I have sought out HRT to help with the rage, and at the suggestion of my sister, who has been my sounding board for the past 44 years, I have sought out a therapist. In a reflection on the state of our healthcare system, this is the first time in the 17 years since my divorce that I am able to afford therapy. Yep, that’s right, 17 years of suppressed trauma, stuffed down to keep the peace and the facade of a healthy coparenting relationship, paired with wild hormone surges, and I am a train wreck. 

How has it been 17 years, you may ask? Well, since my ex dropped me from his health insurance the millisecond the divorce was final, I was without health coverage. My stress and trauma induced mental breakdown followed very quickly and suddenly I had a preexisting condition and didn’t qualify for care. This was five years before the ACA, so in order to stabilize my brain chemistry I went $50k in debt just to survive. I am just now nearly finished climbing out of that hole. I was briefly paired with a welfare/medicaid therapist by my social worker in the first few months after my breakdown, but we didn’t touch on the trauma and gaslighting that X and his new wife inflicted on me during the divorce and after my breakdown. Instead we focused on my mental health and how I dealt with my new diagnosis. So I stuffed it down even further and put a smile on my face in what I thought was the best thing for my kids. Turns out it wasn’t.

Once I was able to get covered due to the ACA rule on nondiscrimination based on preexisting conditions (bitch all you want, Obama saved my life), I could never afford the mental health component. I already pay out of pocket for my psychiatrist and medications, I had bare minimum coverage in case of emergencies, therapy just wasn’t in the cards. Finally this year, I am with a plan that covers mental health. So I’m finally ready to unpack.

I have made my health a priority over the past couple of years (I’m down 60 pounds!), but have never prioritized my mental health, thinking I was just fine as long as my bipolar was under control. It turns out I was inflicting harm on those around me by not processing my anger and betrayal by X and his new wife. In 2010 in a long blog post I laid bare all of my own mistakes and transgressions, thus taking down myself along with an entire community. I took the blame for the divorce and buried my anger deep down, praying that I could raise my kids with the illusion of a happy, healthy, coparenting family who “just couldn’t make things work out.” Well, it turns out the healthiest thing I could’ve done was find a way to process that pain. Though it wasn’t possible at the time, I  am looking forward to processing everything in private with my therapist, and hopefully eventually healing the relationships that I have harmed through my own neglect of my psyche. 

So while I continue on my path toward physical wellness, I have added mental wellness, something that wasn’t on my bingo card for 2026 but is now center star. I hope to work through my anger and get some hormone relief as well as some closure on my past. That way I can move forward into the next chapter with The Mayor with a fresh head and healthy boundaries and a sense of trust that has been missing from my relationships for the past 17 years. The Mayor has a way of making me feel like I’m actually worth the effort, something I have never felt in any relationship before. So here’s to wellness and healthy living. May 2026 be a year of change and personal growth.

I love you all, some more than others. 💜🌻

PS These hot flashes are no joke. I had to stop by the freezer section three times just to cool down while shopping at Meijer with The Mayor this morning! 

Seven Sentences for Sunday: The Heading into the End of the Twenties Edition

  1. I made some financial, health, and creative resolutions. I didn’t share them last year and I made good headway on all fronts. So superstitious me is keeping them to myself so I don’t jinx all the progress I’ve made. 
  2. That being said, I went down a pants size! 
  3. The best part about new pants that fit in a smaller size is they make you feel cute and sexy all day, but after I’ve eaten dessert, I can unbutton them and they become my comfy pants til it’s time for bed. 
  4. I got one last Christmas moment. I am always transported to a magical place when the tree lights are the only light in the room. 
  5. I’ve already gotten J’s and Ez’s birthday gifts for their birthdays at the end of March. I have to get The Mayor’s gift for his birthday in February then I am taking a few months off before I start on Christmas shopping for next year. 
  6. I am hand making R and J’s advent calendars for next year, so I will start collecting for those in March. 
  7. I was supposed to have lunch with my BFF after Christmas but he came down with norovirus and had to cancel. I have an entire file in my Notes of discussion questions the next time we get together. It is getting longer by the day, so we are going to have to make a date sooner rather than later. How often do you catch up with your BFF?

I love you all, some more than others. 💜🌻