Seven Rules for Dating Destiny, now that I’m online dating (eek!).

1. Thou shalt not reveal anything sexually about yourself on (or before) the first date that you would not tell your mother…or at least your best friend from college. Seriously, keep that shit to yourself until, say, I know more about you than what your favorite band is.

2. Thou absolutely positively shall not ever, never, tell me that you love me on the first date. Creepy to the nth degree, I don’t care how much of a romantic you are…

3. Thou shalt not even think about making me feel guilty for not rounding the bases before I am ready. I am wearing my “chastity belt” (unshaven legs) for a reason…deal with it.

4. Thou shalt respect the fact that I have children, that they are of utmost importance in my life, and that perhaps you should ask about them on occasion instead of ignoring that they exist.

5. If thoust want a response to your profile after thoust has checked out mine, send me an email with more than “hey…” And while we’re at it…if I have put myself out there by adding a few profile pics, you can add a few of your own. Don’t be a chickenshit.

6. Thou must understand that I am terrible at small talk…I will have revealed this before our date. So if thou can’t take the lead, then let’s do something action oriented, like putt-putt or bowling, where we can smack talk and have fun instead of staring at each other awkwardly over the dinner table.

7. Finally, don’t yell at me or otherwise talk down to me at any point during our budding relationship, because that will be the end of it right then and there. I went to a women’s college, I can stand up for myself.

I love you all, potentially one more than others…