friends

Shooting the Moon

Let’s play hearts, he suggests. But not yours, mine. 

He threw that jokers wild from the blue, never before having tipped his hand.  

I would love to know what your heart says, she replies, calling his bluff.  

My heart says you’re all mine, he reveals, going all in.   

That’s beautiful, she muses,  but is there a part that says YOU are all MINE?

 I could definitely say that, he smiles.

And she folds. 

I Write Therefore I Am

It’s winter time, which means I have plenty of dark days to ponder such somber thoughts as what kind of legacy I will leave behind when my time comes to become stardust in the universe. As I collect past writings and journal entries into a collective published piece, I am reminded of the Latin phrase Verba volant, scripta manent, which translates to “spoken words fly away, written words remain.” I live and die by the pen, so this resonates particularly strongly with me. 

Between Facebook and my blog, I am pretty much an open book. This has enabled me to nurture and develop relationships with people from all walks of my life all over the world, and with some whom I have never met. Just this week, I have been messaged by three different people of varying degrees of familiarity who said they thought of me because of something I had written.

My friend, Nick, from my study abroad year in England, messaged that something came across his feed about people who can make jokes about grammar are the cleverest of the lot and he thought of me. My bff’s mom, Linda, texted that she thought of me because she got an entire bag of “foldy” chips with her dinner and she knew that bag should’ve been mine. And then my own daughter, J, has texted me at the exact same time numerous times, indicating that we are never far from each other’s minds. 

Just the idea that I crossed these friends’ minds and made them smile for a moment fills my love bucket to the brim. I am not one for long conversations, always a better listener than I am contributor, but I can collect my thoughts into an essay with relative ease. I think this has allowed me to be precisely in the moment soaking it all in, and then write about it later. While I hope to make an impact on people in real life connections, the reality of our virtual world is we have so many of those interactions online. We are who we are because of our words, and our written words are even more pertinent and meaningful today. 

It brings me joy and a sense of fulfillment that I can elicit a smile through my actions, but especially my words. My writings are an expression of my love for this journey we are on together, and that Love will remain in others whom I have touched after I am ashes. Hopefully I have plenty of years left to continue to make an impression in others who enter my sphere. At the very least, I will have left a library for my children and future grandchildren so that they will always know I love them. After all, scripta manent, amor manet. 

I love you all, some more than others 💜🌻 

Seven Sentences for Someday: The Snowy Monday Edition

  1. When I am super hungry, I get highly irrational. Adam will ask me how many squares of pizza I want and I respond “Eighteen” and he says, “Hmmm. How about we start with three.” And of course he is always right. I hope we never lose this type of interaction. 
  2. Ez killed their senior pictures. We got proofs and they are outstanding. 
  3. R turned 19. The last year of her teens. I know so many good things are going to happen for her this year and she is going to go into her 20s soaring.
  4. The Mayor and I had early dinner out on Friday at one of our old haunts, Dos Amigos. I was thrilled the waiter checked out my cleavage and smiled, only for me to realize it’s because I had already spilled salsa down my top in the 25 seconds between him dropping off the chips and coming back to take our order. I’m 48 and still hopeless. 😩
  5. Today is our first day of snow. I love how peaceful and quiet it is, but only because I don’t have to be anywhere. 
  6. I accidentally dipped my thumb into a 460 degree water bath that I was pulling out of the oven when I made homemade baguettes. My entire thumb is one big blister now, which makes texting and typing a very surreal experience. 
  7. I finished and submitted my 1% Club application this morning. I don’t know if I could make it to the 100k, but it sure would be fun trying!! For my video I sang a made up song to the tune of Seasons of Love from Rent. Fingers crossed they like me enough to cast me!

I love you all, some more than others. 💜🌻

Seven Sentences for Sunday: The Six Sentences and a Hefty Paragraph Edition

Meticulously take one red and one purple every night. This is what remains. If something is off in the universe when I start taking two purple, you know why.
  1. I just approved a comment from a reader from 2020. Somehow I missed it in my review tab and it has been sitting there for 5 years.Apologies, dear reader. -100 for Destiny!
  2. I had my zoom call with Alan Alda and he is an amazing, brilliant, deep man who has all of his faculties, despite dealing with the tremors of early Parkinson’s. I am so blessed to have been able to share space with him. We talked about the meaning of life and it was fascinating to hear everyone’s stories and his response to them. 
  3. Just when I thought the Bengals had their season back on track, our defense gives up 39 points to the freaking Jets and we lose.  Sigh. 
  4. My BFF has started a podcast with a friend about being in recovery. I encourage you to check it out and give it a listen (especially Episode 2) wherever you get your podcasts. It is called Terminal Addiction and you can find them on YouTube, Spotify, instagram, and Facebook. 
  5. Last night The Mayor made a dupe of the famous Golden Lamb shepherds pie, complete with sun-dried tomatoes, Lima beans, peas, carrots, lamb, and a crust of Parmesan cheddar on top of the mashed potatoes. It was outstanding and the best part is we have enough for leftovers tonight, which means the Mayor doesn’t have to cook!
  6. Fridays and Sundays are the only days where I don’t have a commitment. The Mayor works those days, so I have a good 7 hours to myself to get caught up on work and binge the shows he won’t watch. I am eagerly awaiting the return of Emily in Paris and am neck deep in the new Kristen Bell show Nobody Wants This. 
  7. I look forward to Friday nights because The Mayor and I celebrate the end of the week with a joint after I close my computer at 5. I love this ritual and it helps me set aside all of the stresses of the week for an evening of contemplation and traveling the universe. This week Friday night joint was my birthday joint and was infused, so it packed a punch. I had some personal issues with a family member that had been wreaking havoc on my psyche and two puffs in, I was able to release all of that angst into the universe and trust that it would all work out. I got a perspective on a problem that I sorely needed and I was able to let it go. The next day the personal issue worked itself out and I had a load off my shoulders. Now, am I suggesting you should get high when you are faced with an unresolved issue? I mean, I’m not not saying it. Just kidding. But I think we should maybe not be so afraid of a plant with proven medicinal benefits.

I love you all, some more than others 💜🌻

Harmonizing for my 48th

I woke up today, my 48th birthday, at 7 a.m. on the dot, fully refreshed after a lovely night of sleep. There’s nothing super special about turning 48, other than the mere fact that I have made it around the sun for another year, but The Mayor immediately piled my presents on me before I could even have a sip of coffee as if it was a milestone birthday. I eagerly opened my favorite cheddar and caramel popcorn, some cool new scrunchies, and the cream on top, a brand new Kate Spade wallet/wristlet that The Mayor picked out specially. The man knows me so well, and has keyed into my love language of gifts with an enviable keenness. 

Ez’s birthday flowers and stuffed pumpkin

I did my DuoLingo lesson and made my way into the living room to watch ARC Cincinnati with Bob and Jen while I drank my morning coffee. My phone blew up with texts as my friends from all over checked in to wish me happy birthday as they woke up to the world. I heard from dear friends near and far, got a sweet text from my ex-husband, and a heartwarming text from my oldest daughter, J. I hopped on Facebook and, again, the well wishes continued to roll in. I was feeling the love.

On my way to pick Ez up for school, I said a silent prayer that they would be awake and I wouldn’t have to battle the dogs to go wake them up. When I rolled up to Spinnaker Drive, I saw a text from Ez that they were awake but running a little late. No big deal, I had built in plenty of time. And then The Mayor texted me and said I was featured on ARC with Bob and Jen with one of my answers to their question of the day and Jen called me out specifically. What a birthday treat! 

No incidents to and from school, with a stop at Dunkin for Ez’s breakfast, and I returned home to more texts and Facebook wishes. My BFF and his parents sent me a Jungle Jim’s gift card for some exotic treats from the International Market, showing yet again that they get me. I got to work on my physics account, getting so immersed that I forgot to eat my morning Bobo, my stomach rumbling around 11 a.m. to warn me that I better get something in there pronto, lest my blood sugar plummet and I am stuck with a headache. I gathered my phone and my purse and headed out for our neighborhood specialty market to grab my favorite ham and brie sandwich on a french baguette and to say hello to The Mayor while he was at work.

When I got home, I got a message from my sister informing me that she and my two littlest brothers had all chipped in and got me an All Access subscription to Alan Alda’s Clear+Vivid podcast patreon, proceeds of which go to charity but with a member perk of having Alan record an outgoing voicemail message for members. I was floored, as I had mentioned in passing that I wanted to subscribe once I paid off my final loan next year and had set it as a savings goal. I couldn’t believe that they got it for me early! My name is going to come out of the mouth of Captain Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce and I am going to have that as my voicemail til the day I die! I may never get the opportunity to meet the man, but hearing him say my name counts as fulfilling a lifelong dream, and I could not be more grateful to my siblings.

At 3:30 I picked up Ez from school and they gifted me with flowers from their Flower Farming and Floristry class as well as a stuffed pumpkin from their sewing class. We stopped by Brooklyn Pizza and Pasta to pick up birthday dinner on our way home. Once home, we turned it on Game Show Network, per usual, and played along with the Master Minds until The Mayor got home from work, when I downed my stuffed shells and spinach salad. After dinner, Five Below’s blind bag selection beckoned, and Ez and I headed out the door. They played me the Birthday Sex song by Jeremih and then we played Young, Wild, and Free and sang along with all the naughty bits. Ez stocked up on their favorite blind bags and we headed back to their house to drop them off for the night. They got out of the car, thanked me for dinner and the ride, always respectful and courteous, and wished me happy birthday again.

On my way home from Ez’s, I was cruising down Columbia Road, zipping through the roundabouts, and Dobie Gray’s “Drift Away” came on. I turned it up and sang along, putting some extra sauce on the “Gimme the beat boys and free my soul…” because I was feeling good and sassy. When it got to the lines, “Thanks for the joy that you’ve given me…I want you to know I believe in your song. And rhythm and rhyme and harmony, you’ve helped me along. Makin’ me strong…” I started to tear up at all the people who have gifted me with joy over the years. My friends reaching out not just on my birthday, but throughout the good and bad times over the past three decades of being an adult. My family, my kids, my BFF, The Mayor, every one of them has a song that I believe in, and every one of them has contributed to making me strong. I will continue to believe in my own song and share it through my essays and Seven Sentences for Sundays. I thank every one of you for helping with the harmony, may we continue to make beautiful music for the next 48 years.

I love you all, some more than others. 💜🌻

Seven Sentence for Sunday: The trying new things edition

  1. I finally went to a free crochet class that I have been meaning to attend for the past few months and I made three new friends and am well on my way to making a dish rag.
  2. I am also relearning French via Duo Lingo and am at a level 43 out of 160, so I have a ways to go.
  3. Biscuits and gravy for dinner tonight; sometimes we have lots of veggies, tonight we had none. I ain’t complaining, that gravy was delicious!
  4. I am 3 pounds away from losing 50 lbs from my top weight. I wouldn’t mind losing 50 more, but I’d be happy with 30-40. I think my doctor would be fine with that too. I just seem to be okay with losing at a turtle’s pace—especially if it means I get biscuits and gravy for dinner every three months!
  5. Harvard released their applications for their extension campus. I have vowed that when we get moved and settled I am going to apply for my masters in creative writing. I feel like I should be able to finish my novel as a capstone project.
  6. WWE’s women only event Evolution is on tonight. When Rhea Ripley walked into the arena with no makeup on I swear my heart took an extra beat. That woman does things to men and women alike!
  7. This is the first time I have written in 3 years. In the spirit of doing new things I figured I d revisit an old thing while I was at it. I am glad to be back, for however long.

Seasons Change and So Do I

ImageSo Sam has a new girl. And while I am wildly happy for him, I am also selfishly a little sad. Sad because whenever someone new is introduced, it always means there is a shift in a relationship. While I had been one of Sam’s primary sources of entertainment (and he mine) pretty much since we broke up last summer, there is now someone else who has his attention. I’m not jealous by any means—seeing him happy makes me happy—but I do have to confront this shift in our relationship from hanging out every time neither of us had the kids to me deliberately having to ask for Sam-time when I need it. Continue reading →