Single Mom

Seven Sentences for Sunday: The Simple Rules Edition

Seven Rules for Dating Destiny, now that I’m online dating (eek!).

1. Thou shalt not reveal anything sexually about yourself on (or before) the first date that you would not tell your mother…or at least your best friend from college. Seriously, keep that shit to yourself until, say, I know more about you than what your favorite band is.Image

2. Thou absolutely positively shall not ever, never, tell me that you love me on the first date. Creepy to the nth degree, I don’t care how much of a romantic you are…

3. Thou shalt not even think about making me feel guilty for not rounding the bases before I am ready. I am wearing my “chastity belt” (unshaven legs) for a reason…deal with it.

4. Thou shalt respect the fact that I have children, that they are of utmost importance in my life, and that perhaps you should ask about them on occasion instead of ignoring that they exist.

5. If thoust want a response to your profile after thoust has checked out mine, send me an email with more than “hey…” And while we’re at it…if I have put myself out there by adding a few profile pics, you can add a few of your own. Don’t be a chickenshit.

6. Thou must understand that I am terrible at small talk…I will have revealed this before our date. So if thou can’t take the lead, then let’s do something action oriented, like putt-putt or bowling, where we can smack talk and have fun instead of staring at each other awkwardly over the dinner table.

7. Finally, don’t yell at me or otherwise talk down to me at any point during our budding relationship, because that will be the end of it right then and there. I went to a women’s college, I can stand up for myself.

I love you all, potentially one more than others…

Seasons Change and So Do I

ImageSo Sam has a new girl. And while I am wildly happy for him, I am also selfishly a little sad. Sad because whenever someone new is introduced, it always means there is a shift in a relationship. While I had been one of Sam’s primary sources of entertainment (and he mine) pretty much since we broke up last summer, there is now someone else who has his attention. I’m not jealous by any means—seeing him happy makes me happy—but I do have to confront this shift in our relationship from hanging out every time neither of us had the kids to me deliberately having to ask for Sam-time when I need it. Continue reading →

16 Reasons to Date a Single Mom Like Me

  1. We’ve got that nurturing thing down. Whether it be to dry a tear or just give a hug for no reason other than to say I love you, that quality is innate in us.
  2. You may not be as cool as Bon Jovi, but we’ll still be your biggest fan. (I take that back—your kids will probably take first prize for a little while, but then we’ll move into first place when puberty hits.)
  3. We don’t need grand romantic gestures. Snap a picture of a cool cloud or a pretty flower and text it to us just to let us know you think of us occasionally. Continue reading →

Preschooler Diplomacy

In the War of Words, J’s two year advantage and encyclopedic vocabulary always trump R. Today, however, Rhett won a round in the Battle of Insults based on the best rule for arguments: He who laughs first, wins.
J: Know what? I’m gonna call you a stinker.
R: Well, I gonna call you a butt.
J: Fine. I’m gonna call you a pooper scooper.
R (starting to crack a smile): A pooper scooper???
J (glaring and sounding out the syllables): Yes. A Poo-per. Scoo-per.
R (trying to suppress her giggles): Pooper Scooper. Hahahaha. Fine. I call you a. a. a…. A HOUSE!
J (mouth hung open in bewilderment): A house?
At this point R dissolved into uncontrollable laughter leaving J no choice but to join in.
Absurdity thy name is preschooler. Congressional diplomacy, meet absurdity. Perhaps you two should talk?